


All this feels infinite

by chaoslaura



Series: Don't blame me, I'm not the same me [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Bad Parents, Bisexual Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post Season 1, Reggie has great friends, Reggie-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), bad childhood, dropping the f-bomb, why can I just write sad stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27087388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaoslaura/pseuds/chaoslaura
Summary: His childhood was a touchy subject for him and he didn’t know what he was ready to give away. Breathing in once more and wringing his hands together, clearly nervous he looked over to Julie, who was still smiling at him, the sunshine she was. “You know, or no, you don’t know, I’m not sure if the others told you anything, but my parents weren’t the best?” Reggie didn’t know why he formulated it like a question. He was sure his parents weren’t the best.OrAfter their incredible performance at the Orpheum their lives get back to normal or as normal as they could be when they can finally touch and interact with each other.Reggie gets to have some moments to question his childhood but also has quite a few friends who help him with everything.//Paused, will be continued in the future//
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: Don't blame me, I'm not the same me [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1976992
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96





	1. Piano lessons

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the second story in this series with my boy Reggie. He's my favourite bi disaster and I hope you like what I have written.
> 
> Also, I'm very busy with uni and my life right now so I don't have a regular update shedule. I write and upload when I have time.  
> And please bear with me, english is not my first language and I have honestly no clue about the current american culture or slang. Feel free to point things out.

When Julie neared the garage she could hear faint music playing, but not the usual loud drums and amped up guitar and bass that normally could be heard through the doors, no it was a classic piece. Something she didn’t hear since her mum played with Julie on the bench sitting besides her. It was a memory stored in a deep place of her mind, but lifted the corners of her mouth a bit nevertheless. Thinking about her mum didn’t hurt her as much since she rediscovered music again and handled her death much better. 

She wondered who could it be tough and decided to peak through the glass on top of the garage door first, she didn’t want to startle the pianist and disrupt the piece, it was too beautiful and she wanted to hear it till the end. Barely able to reach the window with her height, she stood tiptoed, slightly leaning on the door for support and spared a glance into the studio. Never in her life would she have guessed who she saw sitting on the black bench before the piano, fully entranced while letting his fingers fly over the black and white keys. It was Reggie who sat there upright, in a position only learned players used, his right foot on one of the petals, pressing it down once in a while.

The notes formed a beautiful melody Julie recognized from somewhere but couldn’t quite put a name on. 

It didn’t took long, maybe a few more minutes until Reggie finished his piece. ‘Thank god, my feet are killing me’ Julie thought, it wasn’t that easy, hanging on to the door without making a sound. 

But since Reggie just stared at the piano in front of him with a somber expression on his face, Julie found it safe to enter the garage, clearing her throat louder than necessary to make her presence known to Reggie. He instantly whipped his head up to look at her with wide eyes, like a cat caught in a crime and he put the cover over the keys immediately. 

“Hey, I don’t mind you using the piano. Just because it’s mums doesn’t mean you boys aren’t allowed to play on it.” Julie said, thinking he came on the idea it was something forbidden. “Luke does it all the time.” With a few steps she reached Reggie and sat down beside him while Reggie put some space between them as soon as she sat down. The boy brushed with his hands over his thighs in a nervous motion and Julie was asking herself why he was not looking at her, instead giving the floor a suspicious amount of attention. 

“Reggie? I’m not mad, I told you.” She reassured him.

“Yeah, no, I know, sorry. It’s just, not many people did hear me playing. Normally I do it when I’m sure no one’s around, it’s kind of embarrassing.” Reggie finally said, turning to her and giving a shy smile. It was unusual to see him like this, without his excitement and energy flowing though him and just carefree attitude. 

“What? There’s nothing embarrassing about playing the piano. I play sometimes. My mum taught me how to do it.”

“And I’m sure your fantastic on it.” Reggie gave her his characteristic charming grin. 

Julie laughed briefly. “Don’t distract me, I know I’m great.” She said and flipped her hair to demonstrate her point. “What’s actually going on? I know you have something on your heart. What were you playing by the way?”

“Just ‘Für Elise’. It’s the only piece I can play by heart. It was one of the first advanced pieces I learned and I always liked it, it’s not that hard.”

“Not that hard?” Julie scoffed. “Are you kidding me? I know that piece and after the initial melody I never got past that one point on page six I think? Where you use four fingers on your right hand and you go into a crescendo? But it was beautiful when you played it.” She said it with as much honesty as possible as Reggie didn’t seem to think that good of himself. And it must have worked as she could see a faint blush creeping up on his cheeks. Always clearly visible on his pale skin.

“Thanks Julie. Well, I got piano lessons early on in my childhood so it might not be that impressive.”

“You got lessons? You don’t strike me as a classical guy.”

“My parents thought it would be a good idea. I was always into music so I didn’t mind although I would have rather started right on with guitar.”

In reality it was much more complicated than that. Reggie had protested a few days, begging his parents to let him learn the guitar or even banjo but please not the piano. The other kids in school would make fun of him as soon as they would find out. But Reggies family had a standard to uphold and guitar wasn’t meeting these standards. His parents wouldn’t let him become such a rowdie. 

So he had to sit still, something he never was good at, back upright and posture tight. His teacher would always scold him for looking at his fingers instead of the notes on the paper even though it was much easier for him when the melody and notes where imprinted in his head and he knew the song by heart. He was a quick learner and his parents were clearly proud of him which in return filled Reggie with a warmth he so often missed in his life. 

At first his parents filled the shelves in the living room with his prizes, and photos of him were decorating the wall by the stairs. Every guest who was welcomed into the house was introduced to their talented child, who would get big one time, they always said. In one way they were right, but not like they had imagined it then. 

As the years passed, the cabinets were filled with different deco and ornaments and the pictures were updated with ones from family gatherings. Reggie was still good, there was no denying, but he wasn’t the best and it wasn’t a new shiny thing to show off anymore. So why bothering?

Julie was still watching him. “So why did you stop playing? Piano, I mean. I know you have to maintain that rock star image and everything but I think your cool leather jacket covers it enough.” 

Reggie was surprised to find Julie asking him so much about his history. Sure they were good friends even though they knew each other only for a few weeks, but Reggie was always surprised when someone showed interest in him. Must have been another thing his parents fucked up for him. 

“You wouldn’t believe it, but I haven’t always looked this great and charming, ready to pull off the girls.” Reggie joked, to diffuse the heavy air between them. 

His childhood was a touchy subject for him and he didn’t know what he was ready to give away. Breathing in once more and wringing his hands together, clearly nervous he looked over to Julie, who was still smiling at him, the sunshine she was. “You know, or no, you don’t know, I’m not sure if the others told you anything, but my parents weren’t the best?” Reggie didn’t know why he formulated it like a question. He was sure his parents weren’t the best. 

He knew from seeing how Luke and Bobby interacted with their families. Lukes parents really did love him, that’s why they were so worried about him all the time, talking about education and his future, concerned how he could end up when he threw school away. For them the band was just an unstable income, an insecure path to follow, with no idea where it ends and what it entails. But in their eyes they did their best to make sure Luke had a good life and that made them great parents in Reggies opinion, even though Luke couldn’t see it then.

The Pattersons stood in such a stark contrast to other families of the band. Alex parents purposely ignored him in favour of pretending they were a normal family and everything was fine, nothing changed. And Reggies just forgot he existed in their house. What kind of parents forgot they had a son, what could’ve possibly been more important than their own flesh and blood?

“What do you mean? In which way?” Julie looked at him, concern written in her face and Reggie felt guilty to make her worry over him.

“Nothing bad.” He quickly said to reassure her. “Once they lost interest in my piano playing they slowly started losing interest in me altogether.” Wrinkles appeared on his forehead as he replayed the memories in his head.

He couldn’t exactly pinpoint it to one day, it was more a process over years. His family had moved to LA into the beach house cause his dad had been offered a job here where he earned much more money instead of their old home, an offer he couldn’t refuse. 

As it turned out, no job is a steady one and once he lost it, suddenly no one wanted him anymore. Money was cut short but his parents still wanted to maintain their image, hence keeping an eye on how their only son behaved. 

When his dad worked two jobs and was gone for most of the day, his mother also took on an office job whereas before she would only tend to household duties. With his parents out of the house for the day, Reggie combed through the attic and found old cassettes, playing them up and down and discovered that Rock was nearly as good as Country. 

Another advantage to the empty house was that there was no one who could listen in on him using the house phone. Reggie cancelled the piano lessons and searched for someone who can practice guitar with him. The money his parents gave him for his musical education going from one hand to another without his parents noticing. 

The guitar became Reggies new friend and when he met Alex and Luke he found someone he could practice with and show off his skills without being berated for engaging in such horrible behaviour.  
Befriending people who supported his mind set only added to his rebellion to the horror of his parents. Coming home with clothes, brought with this pocket money, that were not boring ironed shirts but instead band shirts or washed out Jeans. It elicited a major dispute between him and his parents, branding him as a troubled child, but the only thing Reggie could think of was ‘Yes, they’re looking my way, it’s working.’

Until it wasn’t working any longer. The cool knew clothes, and his favourite flannel his friends got him, weren’t a reason for arguments anymore. He was being looked over again and maybe got a scoff thrown on his way when his parents saw him getting ready for school, the only time they all saw each other besides weekends. Reggie had to reach higher.

When he came home drunk from a party, hoping to get a scolding but instead was only met with a dismissive glance while he stumbled up the stairs to his room, the pain only cut deeper in him. 

Everything he did to get a reaction out of his parents was in vain. The only thing that halfway worked was skipping school but he was not ready to throw his education overboard just because his parents couldn’t give a fuck. So Reggie stopped giving one too and ignored his parents like they did it to him. The household became pretty silent after that.

Reggie was sure to leave a few details out when explaining to Julie what he associated with piano lessons and his childhood, no reason to make her heart more heavy, she had enough to carry for herself. But all the same he felt lighter in sharing his memories with someone who didn’t knew him then but was willing to pick him up here and now. 

Once he finished his story, he looked up to Julie to find her already watching him with sorrowful eyes. “Oh Reggie, I’m so sorry. I wish you could have gotten a mother and father like I had. When you want to hang around with Ray, I don’t mind you know? You can sit at dinner with us if you want?”

Reggie was relieved to find that Julie understood him. The last thing he wanted was pity and more worry shining in the faces of people he told. But Julie gave him something to work with. 

When Reggie didn’t answer, Julie opted for a hug, to pull his friend out of his entangled thoughts, the touch grounding him and reminding him where he was.

“I would gladly sit with your family. Beware of the time we can eat again. You fridge will never be full again.”

“Reggie” Julie called out with faked indignation and boxing him slightly on the forearm with her fist.


	2. What's that burned smell?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it guys, I finished the second chapter. It was almost written in one go and I hope the mistakes are minimal.   
> Have fun with reading it!

“First of all, you should preheat the oven- yes do it ... right on. First step: check.” Seeing as Ray put it 100°C too high, Reggie turned down the knob a bit. Burned food is not something he would like to smell soon. Bad food should be banned for eternity (and seeing as Reggie and the other neither crossed over or vanished it would really be an eternity), he clearly suffered enough and paid the price.

Would he be brave enough to try a hotdog if he was able to eat again? A question he asked himself once in a while while staring at the fridge and its contents, concentrated look on the left over pizza and melted cheese that looked just heavenly. But a hotdog was on another level. Even his non existent stomach seemed to clench together at the thought of eating it ever again. 

But Reggie wasn’t sure if the Lasagna Ray was preparing in the moment was a great alternative. 

“No no no, don’t take the sugar, the salt is right there, you put it on the counter a minute ago, how old are you?” Desperate to show Ray in the right direction he waved his arms to the counter even though Ray couldn’t see it. He decided knocking a pen off the counter should raise Rays awareness and indeed he turned around, looking for the sound and let out an ‘Ah’ when he spot the salt, sprinkling it in the pot. Reggie cringed at the amount, a word Julie taught them last week. 

“Those noodle plates are definitely not ready, leave them in the pot.” Crunchiness can add a nice extra experience to a dish but that didn’t account for noddles and Reggie should know, he tried once. It was not as good as potato chips as his younger self had hoped. 

Reggie saw the amount of garlic Ray accumulated in his hands, putting it on the board to chop up. “I admire your taste buds, luckily we’re no vampires or you would’ve exorcised us already and Julie would be out of bandmates. She would never forgive you and all this for a mediocre Lasagna.” 

Eyeing the ‘sauce’ in the pot Reggie debated if now was the right time to let the pizza delivery flyer fall from the fridge. Concerned about Julies and Carlos well being, food poisoning was the last thing on earth he would wish on anybody. Maybe Caleb, but Reggie wasn’t the type to take pleasure in letting someone else suffer. Always the last one to participate in a fight and the first one to intervene and settle the argument. 

And the quality of the dinner that was presented on the table was probably the only thing that started an argument between Ray and Julies tía Victoria, who was willing to cook them a full meal all week just to see a smile on Julies and Carlos face cause the food reminded them of their mother Rose. 

Reggie doesn’t appear to be the responsible one, but cooking was the one and maybe the only thing he was good at, besides playing bass, and he could say that with confidence. Learning at a fairly young age, in comparison to his other male friends, helped him expand his knowledge and by the time Luke touched the stove for the first time, Reggie could already prepare a full meal. 

Once his mother had to take on her secretary job, she would either not be there by dinner time or be just too exhausted to prepare something to eat for her and Reggie. His father would always come home late, most of the time dropping by the bar before heading home to his family, drinking a few with his coworkers. Even though his mother would berate him for spending so much money on beer, she more often than not could be found with a glass of wine in one hand and the remote control in the other, sitting in front of the TV, ignoring her responsibility for her son.

Reggie was even surprised to find Ray working in the kitchen in the first place because his father was of deep conviction that the kitchen was a place saved for women, and men who could cook and even liked it were effeminate and should not be taken seriously. 

‘Ah yes, the good old times.’ Reggie thought. Where women and men had their place to be and everyone who didn’t fit in that box was abnormal. So women and wives in the kitchen and the husband in a random bar. Lovely.

Reggies train of thoughts was only interrupted by Rays cursing after burning his thumb on the stove, however he managed to do that. Reggie knew only one other person who was such a disaster in the kitchen and that was Luke. He was constantly freed of cooking duty to not burn down the kitchen in Bobbys family home when his parents were away. That would have been the end to their free of charge housing in the studio. 

And Reggie didn’t mind cooking for his friends, showing his love though the food, getting them something else than unhealthy fast food. Maybe they should have eaten before their Orpheum rehearsal and they wouldn’t have needed this unholy hotdogs. But there was no changing of past accidents. Accident being a true understatement.

Seeing as Ray got the Lasagna in the oven without further misshapenings, he found it safe to slouch on the couch, waiting for the timer to ring, indicating dinner was ready. Ray should be able to clean the kitchen alone. Reggie would help if he could. He really would. He would do so many things just to show Ray how grateful he was not only for letting the band stay in the garage, even though it was mostly without his knowledge, and for being such a great dad to Julie and Carlos. 

That strong sense of family was so knew to him. Sure, he witnessed it at dinner table with Alex and Lukes and even Bobbys family but none of them were this close and honest with their feelings about each other, intimate in a way Reggie always craved and never got. 

Reggie saw firsthand how parents could turn against you, withdrawing their love and affection from their own children. First example being Alex. But Ray was the embodiment of a great parent and Reggie wondered how much more bright the house could be if Rose was still around. He wasn’t sure how this could even get better. Even the situation as it was, was hard to accept, it was nothing Reggie ever experienced. 

Sometimes he wondered what he did to deserve the pair of parents he got. But as his friends tried to explain over and over again, it was not Reggies fault his parents couldn’t accept that their love to each other was dying and getting a child to fix their marriage was the next big mistake after the wedding itself. But sometimes it was hard to accept he had no doing in his parents tricky situation. And further, he had no power in his hands to end the circle of fighting and ignoring and getting frustrated and fighting again. 

But with the Molinas everything was different, Reggie didn’t know how to cope first. Too overwhelmed with love that came pouring out of every crack of the house.

Buried deep in his mind, he didn’t notice Julie coming down the stairs, clearly tired from school and dance lessons. But Julie noticed him sitting on the couch and couldn’t stop a smile from forming. When she said Reggie was welcomed at the dinner table she meant it. 

When Carlos came storming in through the door, still filled to the brim with energy from baseball training, the house came to life again. Dishes and cutlery clinked, Ray hissed at the heat from the oven, searching for the oven gloves and Carlos trying to give his dad a hug from behind. Julie was shaking her head at the sight and glanced over to Reggie, who made his way over, sitting down on the fourth chair. The only one left empty. The first times he felt guilty for claiming it, in no way capable of filling the spot with the same amazing spirit that left it empty in the first place.

Minutes later the whole family was seated, Carlos already begging for a bigger piece. “Dad, you won’t believe it! Cameron was Batter today and-and”, Carlos interrupted the story with a fit of giggles. “when Liam threw the ball, Cam didn’t hit the ball in the slightest and oh my god, he hit Jonas full on with the bat in the face so hard he got a nosebleed. I never saw so much blood in my life, dad, you should’ve seen it! It was so disgusting and it was everywhere! Hey, how much blood-”

“Oh my god Carlos stop talking please. Don’t talk about blood when I’m trying to eat over here.” Julies fork was hovering half way to her mouth, the piece of Lasagna falling down on her plate.

“Huh, you know what, the tomato sauce reminds me of-”

“Okay Carlos, it’s time to stop. I’m very sorry about your friend Jonas, but how was school today kids?” Ray intervened before this conversation got out of hand.

Julie seemed to think about something, her eyebrows drawn together in seriousness. “Nick was weird today again in dance class. I just hope it wasn’t because I turned him down, I seriously thought we could still be friends even though I said no to him.”

Ray brushed a hand over her arm in a comforting motion. “He will came around, I’m sure, it maybe will take him some time to wrap his head around you not returning his feelings. Give him a few more days.”

“Thanks dad, I hope so.” Reggie could see that Julie wasn’t done thinking about it but he could bring it up later when they were alone.

Then another thought came to Ray. “By the way, which one of you took my Lord of the Rings book?”

Carlos gave his dad a look that said ‘why you’re asking me that?’ “Dad, why would I read such a boring book? Ask Julie, she seems to spend much time alone. Enough to read all through you book collection.”

Julie scoffed at that with a scandalized look. Well, Carlos couldn’t know that she wasn’t alone, but she couldn’t say anything to defend herself without revealing that her hologram band had nothing to do with holograms but consisted of three ghosts. But she also didn’t take Rays book, which only leaves….  
Turning her had to inconspicuous throw a glance over to Reggie, who only pulled his shoulders up, Julie narrowed her eyes. 

Reggie wasn’t an avid reader, for the life of his he couldn’t concentrate on reading more than a few pages which only left him frustrated for needing weeks to get through a book even though he found it interesting enough to pick it up. Luke couldn’t be persuaded in reading a book even when it was for school. (He would have been delighted to know that a synopsis from wiki would have saved his life more than once.)

So Alex was the only one left and that seemed reasonable enough. Reading occupied his mind enough to stop overthinking the current matter and diverted his anxious behaviour. “I think Alex took it.” Reggie told Julie so, getting an exasperated sigh von Julie in return. Only thing she could do was take the blame and that didn’t sit right with her.

“Sorry dad, I took it. I thought I would give it a try. Our English teacher talked about it and I found it interesting. But I’m not finished yet.”

“I think it’s great you’re reading it. We could talk about it when you’re finished. There is a scene... in chapter 5 I think that I would want your opinion on.” Julie face didn’t read interested at all. Oh, Alex would hear from it later. Not taking things was apparently not limited to Julies room, well she should have said so.

Giving Alex a heads up, Reggie poofed out the dining room, giving the family some privacy and returned to the studio where Luke and Alex were currently sitting on the couch, going over some lines. 

“Hey Reg, how was dinner?” Alex asked him immediately, leaving Luke to his composition. 

“Well, I hope for you Julie is in a better mood when she finished eating because you’re her top priority at the time.” Seeing Alex gears turn in his head was funny to look at even though Reggie should feel guilty for scaring his friend like that, he knew how fast Alex could overthink the situation.

“Why-how...what do you mean by that?” Alex voice was already an octave higher.

“You see,” Reggie said slowly, “Ray asked about one of his beloved books and apparently Carlos isn’t into fantasy and we only know one person who likes books, so Julie said she read it because how do you explain your dad how a ghost can steal from you.”

“Why didn’t she say he may have misplaced it?!” Alex asked panicked.

“Because we did that the last time. And the time before that. There is only so many times we can make Ray believe he’s getting old. Which is rude by the way. He looks really good for his age.”

“Don’t stray from the topic Reg.” Luke chimed in, who until know didn’t express an interest in the conversation, pencil between his fingers and still looking concentrated on the paper.

“Just saying the truth here, maybe there was a reason none of us could get to Rose but she choose him.” Reggie said in full seriousness. 

Luke shshed him in a hurry, waving his hands. “Reggie! Shut up, when Julie hears about us flirting with her mum we will get in more than enough trouble.” He said in a fake whisper. “Don’t avert Julies fixation on Alex.”

“Hey! Really bro? Okay..I see how it is.” Was all Alex could say before the door to the studio opened and Julie stood in the entrance, her eyes already fixated on him and narrowed him down. She wore the same leo printed slippers the first time they met her and it should look ridiculous but it didn’t tone down her fear inflicting aura, making Alex jump away.

Being solid to Julie know played into Alex disadvantage when she chased him through the garage and tackled him to ground in a professional manner. Alex might have the longest legs of them all but he moved like a deer in headlights, almost falling over his drum kit in an effort to escape Julies wrath. But as soon as Julie had him on the ground her barely existent anger blew away and she started laughing, infecting the rest of the group until all of them lay on the flour in a mess. When Julie stopped and said in a serious tone, “But really, no stealing objects from the house or else I’m getting Carlos on his salt mission again.”, the laughing started all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feel free to comment. If you have ideas for the story or want me to write something in particular. Tell me if there are any mistakes or anything really. It really boosts my motivation. Thank you <3


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